A Conversation

"But I can't forgive," you say.  "The hurt is too real, too strong.

How can I forgive when the hurt is still there?"

If I forgive, am I not condoing the misdeed?  Am I not saying, what you chose was right?  When in reality, the choice was painful for me and for others?"

If I forgive, I feel walked on once again.  Taken for granted once again.  Less important than everything else."

If I forgive, I make myself vulnerable to being hurt again.  I lose this stone wall being built around my heart.  I lose the coldness in my soul."



My dear, dear friend.  You have just hit upon the very benefits of forgiving.  The stones begin to crumble.  The cold is replaced by the warmth of love.  Forgiving is seldom easy.  Welcome to living a life with Christ, who forgives you so that you may forgive others.

The Shoeless Lizards

Hubs and I saw a new band a couple of weeks ago called the Shoeless Lizards.  (spellings vary)

We got a discout at the door.  Didn't even have a cover charge.

The band consisted of three members, all brothers.  The instruments were 2 guitars and a set of drums, all made of cardboard.  The venue was our living room.  This up and coming band even had an opening act, JoJo "Funny Man" Sollberger.  He told jokes and, most of the time, they were funny!

The band rewrote David Bowie's hit "Dancing with Myself" as "I Can't Find My Shoes."  It was inspiring!  You can enjoy your life even when you can't find those shoes!

Now they have star fever.

Promises

Promises broken:

"I will..."
"I'll do..."
"You and I..."
""Let's go..."
"Why don't we..."
"I'll take care of..."

               ...we say to our loved ones; our loved ones say to us.


Promises kept:

"I will  never leave you nor forsake you."
"You are mine."
"Your sins are forgiven as far as the east is from the west."
"Today you will be with Me in Paradise."

               ...our Father says to us.

I remember this!

I was visiting with a friend and her two teenage daughters last night and we got on the subject of old toys.  It started with the REALLY old toys, like what the pioneers played with.  Yarn dolls, corn husk dolls, different versions of ring toss, things like that.  Then the conversation made its way to our own old toys; things my friend and I played with as kids.


 And we remembered the Chinese Jump Rope!

Chinese Jump Rope

Do you remember playing with a Chinese jump rope?!  Oh my goodness, we LOVED it!

"In, Out, Side by side, On, In, Out!"

My friend and I jumped up at the same time shouting the chant.  Then of course we had to pull out our invisible Chinese jump rope and start demonstrating for her girls.  No, they did not find it weird at all.   What a relief, huh?  They actually thought it was pretty cool and they wished they had one!  Well, that sent my friend out to the garage to start searching because she knew she had one somewhere.  Alas, to my dismay, she did not find it.

But oh what fun it was!  Such good exercise, too.  I think I'll buy one and teach my Boyos.  Fat Brain Toys sells them; follow the link with the picture.



The Mess of Life

We can talk all day about the messes in our homes, can't we.  Sharing the stories behind those messes can even be  quite entertaining.  But what about the mess of life?  When life gets so busy, you can't tell which end is up?  When life gets so busy you lose focus on your priorities?  When life gets so busy your child looks at you and says, "You're going to be gone AGAIN?!"  What about those messes?  How do you start to control them?

I'm going to refer you back to this post where I reviewed a treasure I found at the library.  I believe, and this is my opinion of course, that the place to start cleaning up the mess of life is in your own dining room.  Or kitchen.  Schedule a time for the family to eat together.  Hubs and I decided to start our summer days as a family rather than as individuals.  When we start as individuals it looks something like this.  I'm up at 7 and eat whenever there is a chance.  Mouse would be up at 7:30/8:00 and likes to eat right away.  Hubs would get up whenever he needed to, anywhere between 7 and 8, and might eat or might not.  JoJo would get up at 8:30/9 and eat within a half an hour of getting up.  And Bud, well, he's a teenager so we might not see him til 10 or later.  Then he might grab some breakfast around 11 and then not eat lunch with us.  The day is messy before noon!  But when we start our day as a family, it goes like this.  Breakfast is served by 8:15.  Period.  Come to the table dressed or in your jammies.  But we are at the table, all 5 of us, by 8:15.  And, when we remember, Hubs leads us in a brief devotion.  It's wonderful!  It sets the tone for the day and starts us out loving one another. 

What about the rest of the day?  The week?  The month?  The year?  What about the other messes that sneak their way in to life?  I'll just tell you that it WILL happen.  There is no way to live a mess-proof life.  But getting your family into routines and traditions will help so much.  Giving the children something they can count on has always been beneficial.  Routine is important.  Well, it's the same for adults.  Knowing the family will eat together, say, every Friday night can become an exciting thing.  Knowing that there are special services at church every Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, is exciting, no?  Knowing that the tooth fairy leaves a little something under the pillow is exciting!  Knowing that the family will honor Memorial Day every year with a trip to the cemetery for a ceremony, then games and a picnic, can be exciting to look forward to! 

Routines and traditions counteract the mess of life.

I'm linking up to Messy Mommy Jobs on Weak and Loved.  Read more about the messes moms deal with.  And know that we are not alone on this exciting adventure called Motherhood!

GAS!

Oh, what I wouldn't give for it. 

In my stove that is.  I learned to cook on a gas stove and oven.  And in every home I've had since I moved out, I've been cursed with an electric.  I will let the world know,

 I hate electric stoves! 


There. I've said it.  **sigh**  I feel better.

Look at that glow...

I want a gas oven so badly.  It's so much easier to control the heat, and...well,...I just like them better!


So there!


I have been known to pick up the pot with one hand and fan the hot burner with a hot pad held in the other hand.  While blowing madly.  Yep, looks pretty ridiculous.  How else can you get the heat down to a simmer without scorching the bottom of the pot?!?


Although I did eventually learn the trick of getting the pot to boil on one burner, then moving it to another cooler burner for the simmer time.  Clever huh?  Oh it would be so much easier with a gas stove.


I hate electric stoves!


Even my camper has a gas stove top!  I'm so spoiled when we camp.  I'm in cooking heaven!  Ok, I exaggerate slightly.  It is tiny and cramped, but it does have 3 burners that use gas.  Propane.  Same principal. 

More Even Cooking.


My rant for the day has ended.

Ordination of a Godly man

Ten years ago Hubs was ordained into the Holy Ministry.  God's continued blessings on you and on His work you do, my love.

Annoint them prophets, men who are intent

To be Your witnesses in word and deed,

Their hearts aflame, their lips made eloquent,

Their eyes awake to every human need.

Anoint them priests, strong intercessors they,

For pardon and for love and hope and peace,

That, through their pleading, guilty sinners may

Find Jesus' mercy and from sin release.

Anoint them kings, yes, kingly kings, O Lord.

Anoint them with the Spirit of Your Son.

Theirs not a jeweled crown, a blood-stained sword;

Theirs, by sweet love, for Christ a kingdom won.

Make them apostles, heralds of Your cross;

Forth let them go to tell the world of grace.

Inspired by You, may they count all but loss

And stand at last with joy before Your face.

LSB 682

Raspberry Pickin'

I picked raspberries early this morning.  It was a perfect morning when I was out.  Sunshiney and cool.  Birds singing away.  It'll probably get too hot to be enjoyable later though.  I'm glad I took the opportunity to be out in the early morning calm and quiet of it all.  Nice way to start the day.  Now to make coffee!

view from our little raspberry patch

Discovering a Treasure

"I am better at making a home than keeping a house." 

I've decided this should be the mantra by which I live.  I think it's a terrific goal, especially for my season of life.  I want my boyos to have a home.  One that is full of memories, happy times, lessons learned, hardships fought and overcome together.  Housekeeping is not, nor has it ever been, my strong suit.  And right now it is BEYOND frustrating to keep the house looking presentable.  As Mouse has now learned to say... at the appropriate times... with a grin on his face, "What?  We're boys!!"  Yes.  Yes, you are.  So, I want to focus on being a homemaker and not a housekeeper.  Please, if you plan on visiting me, know that you will be walking into a home that is less than perfect.  At least by my standards.  If you are the kind of person who can keep your home clean, than more power to you!  I congratulate you.  I tip my hat to you.  Quite seriously!!!  And if I were to enter your home, I'm sure I would envy you and your orderly home significantly.  Oh I love an orderly, quiet, peaceful home.  Remember, I am an introvert.  Quiet.  Calm.  Nice reading atmosphere.  Those are the things that help me rejuvenate.  I just can't seem to get it to be a reality in my home!  So.  I have my room where I retreat to read, write and craft.  How spoiled am I?  The rest of the house....yeah.  The rest of the house.  Oh my, do I digress.  Let's get back on track, shall we?

A home maker.  A maker of the home.  An instigator of celebrations.  A preserver of memories.  A provider of stability.  So many different thoughts come to mind.  There is something new in every day, yet something predictable and familiar with the passing of the seasons, both in the church year and outside our door.  I want to honor those changes, those opportunities for celebration.  I want to acknowledge both the present and the future.  I want to remember the past.  I want to teach my boys to do the same.

I have met some incredible women who do that already in their homes.  I have been listening, reading, taking notes, making plans.  And I have learned, at long last, to make the changes gradually.  I cannot do it all right out of the starting gate.  I will pick and choose the fun we add to our lives.  I will start with this summer.  I've been storing ideas for Summer Camp, my style.  Basically I have been gathering ideas for crafts, activities, field trips, family projects, and even fun recipes that we can do together through out the summer.  One of my resources has been this treasure:

 Mrs. Sharp's Traditions: Reviving Victorian Family Celebrations of Comfort & Joy 

This book is wonderful!  I found it on the shelf at the library one day.  The title made me smile and I knew I had to bring it home.  Mrs. Sharp is a fictional victorian character who is full of advice and lessons in how to - in my words - "make a home".  She takes the reader through the year and the seasons, retelling stories of the celebrations and traditions of victorian times.  Did you know in victorian times it was considered the "in thing" to be at home with your children?  There were books and magazines devoted to helping the lady of the house, and the mother of the children.  The American Woman's Home, written in 1869 by Catherine Beecher, called the woman's role "as sacred and important as any ordained to man."  Godey's Lady's Book,  written in 1860,  considered Mother as "the Light of the Home."  Isn't that beautiful? 

Something specific that I had been looking for is what the author, Sarah Ban Breathnach, calls "Ceremonials for Common Days."  She says, "In this frazzled age of overscheduling, eating alone, and non-traditional child care, every family needs to create its own ceremonials for common days."  Sarah is very sensitive to the fact that we do not live in victorian times.  Things have changed and many mothers work outside the home.  She does a good job guiding mothers to little things that can be worked in to any schedule and at all times of the year.  She challenges us, as well, to be Queen of our own home and stake a claim in some family time now and again.  Even if it is just as simple as enjoying breakfast together.

As "Mrs. Sharp" takes us through the calendar, talking with the reader about Irish Soda Bread and ice cream socials, she also includes a wonderful poem for each month.  Here is the one for June:

The robins and blackbirds awoke me at dawn

Out in the wet orchard, beyond the green lawn,

For there they were holding a grand jubilee,

And no one had wakened to hear it but me.

The sweet honeysuckles were sprinkled with dew;

There were hundreds of spider-webs wet with it too,

And pussy-cat, out by the lilacs, I saw

Was stopping and shaking the drops from her paw.

I dressed in the silence as still as a mouse,

And groped down the stairway and out of the house.

There, dim in the dawning, the garden paths lay,

Where yesterday evening we shouted at play.

By the borders of box-wood, and under the trees

There was nothing astir but the birds and the bees.

And if all the world had been made just for me,

I thought, what a wonderful thing it would be.

 - K.Pyle



BINGO!

I mustered up some of my old creativity with JoJo's help the other day.  We filled out a summer Bingo sheet together.  Here is what we came up with:

You'll notice some of the activities are repeated.  Some of them are more educational than others.  Some are just plain silly.  Like the first one the two little guys chose to do: "read for 15 minutes in a weird place."

Here is where JoJo ended up.  I thought he was headed UNDER the table.  Silly me.

Mouse liked the idea of the tub.  Wash your hair while you're in there!

I don't have any specific goals in mind.  Summer bingo is just something for the boys to turn to when they're bored.  And when they get a "bingo" I'll let them pick something from their own prize box.  Of course, those prize boxes don't exist yet.  But at the rate JoJo is going, I better get his filled first!  I'm thinking stuff from the dollar store:  silly string, squirt guns, gum, whoopie cushion (!).  Maybe some fun certificates like a trip to the ice cream shop in town, lunch with dad at Subway, a picnic in the yard, a trip to the pool. 

I wonder what else we might come up with to fill our summer...





Reflecting...and refilling

I hate the sneak attacks.  The ones that hit out of nowhere.  I've written about this before, but I guess I'm still searching for an answer.  If I understood why this happened, I could handle it better.  But then it wouldn't be a sneak attack.  And if I could handle it better, it wouldn't be depression.  I've heard the clinical reasons so many times.  "It's not you, it's your body chemistry."  And then the loving reminders, "Are you taking your meds?"  But this doesn't help me UNDERSTAND!  And that's all I want.  To understand.  I feel like M'Lynn from "Steel Magnolias" when she is in turmoil at the graveside of her daughter.  Her face is twisted in pain and anger as she beats her fists in the air, screaming, "I want to know WHY?!  WHY?!"  I thank God I am not dealing with the death of a child, but my question remains the same.  WHY?!

When Satan gets a foothold, he has a heyday. My downward spiral looks something like this. 

My mothering techniques are lacking.  I need to do more with my children.  The public school no longer has them.  I now have them.  How come I cannot find anything to do with them?  Other mothers have them all year and always find things to do.  What is wrong with me as a mother?  I used to be so creative. 

My writing techniques are lacking.  In fact they stink.  Other bloggers do so much better than me.  Other women find their work(s) published and useful and admired.  Mine will never be.  Another dream never realized.  I have no discipline. 

My homemaker skills are lacking.  I can't stick to writing menus.  When I do have a menu I don't follow it because I don't "feel" like it.  My ironing pile grows and grows.  It mocks me every day.  My floors are sticky to the point of the boys complaining!  There are pile of crap and junk all over the place.  I can't find the joy in my home.

I don't think I'll ever understand.  Not in the way I wish to understand.  No answer can be given other than,  "It's your body chemistry.  Let yourself be and 'this too shall pass.'"   These kinds of days come and go, along with the days that are full of joy and success.  Maybe I really need to look in the mirror and sing to myself the song Hubs and I often sing to the boys.  "You can't always get what you want.  But if you try sometimes, you might find, you get what you need!"  Thank you, Rolling Stones.

here

What I need is patience...for myself.  What I need is to train my mind to reflect on the good days.  What I need is to listen to Hubs.  What I need is to know that I am forgiven.  What I need is to soak in the grace of God.  And then I find, I do get what I need.

Do you find that, too?  Do you get what you need?  Can I refill your cup?  You, too, are forgiven.  You, too, can soak up God's grace.  You, too, are God's child and you, too, belong to Him.

My cup runneth over.

French Press Friday

Hubs brought gifts home from Africa.  For the two of us he brought...*drum roll please*....

COFFEE!

Isn't that red bag so very cool?  I just love it.  And inside said red bag are coffee beans, ready for the grinding.  And we thought it would be delicious. 

Not so much.  It was weak and tasteless.  Poor Hubby felt so bad.  But what was he to do about it?  Wasn't his fault.  We even gave the beans another chance by making a fresh pot using more coffee.  Hm.  Still not good. We wondered if the beans were just too old.  He said he would use the beans just to finish them up. 

"Why?!?", says I.  Life is too short to drink bad coffee!  Am I right or am I right?

So I made the Queenly decision I am so apt to do...and threw those bad beans away. 
But kept the red burlap bag.

Now the Africafe is another story.  Can you see that it is "instant" coffee?  This is the stuff Hubs drank every morning at breakfast and again at tea time while he was in Africa.  He enjoyed it, so I looked forward to trying it.  And it is pretty good!  It's a very fine, powdery coffee.  Not granular at all, like the instant coffees we are used to here in the states.  And it doesn't necessarily taste like your regular cup o' Joe.  But it has a certain richness and uniqueness to its flavor that makes it fun to sip while pretending you are enjoying the sights of the Serenghetti on an African morning.

So we'll save the Africafe to share with special guests.

 Please!  Stop by.  I'll make you a cup.