Of Grace and Gratitude

The first phrase that came to mind when I sat down to write this was, "have an attitude of gratitude!"  That, and "remember to count your blessings!"  While both of these could be helpful in reminding us to be thankful, they make me cringe ever so slightly, like hearing fingernails on a chalkboard.  Those phrases come across, to me, as requiring a joy-filled heart even to start.  Or at least causing a, "By golly, nothings ever going to get me down again!" reaction once the attitude has been changed and the blessings have been counted.  You see, I'm slightly pessimistic.  Add that to my struggles with depression and I quite often find it hard to believe that my joy-filled heart will remain so for long.  That's life in this sinful world.  Sorrows come.  But the Lord is a gracious and loving Lord who has, in reality, filled our lives with every good and perfect thing.  It's just hard to see all that abundance in our own lives.  It's easy to see it in other people's lives.  Ever notice that?  The grass is always greener...

So, let's start a Gratitude Journal!  Let's stop looking out at everyone else's seemingly perfect lives and let's look down and see the gracious gifts we have right at our own feet.  Let's reflect at the end of each day and make a conscious effort to acknowledge the bits of happiness we experienced during the day.  My Gratitude Journal is a small spiral notebook I picked up at Target or some such place.  I keep it in a drawer by my bed along with a pen.  And, when I remember, I write down the things that made me smile that day; the things that brought me joy.  I write down things like "Mouse's giggle", or "Creamy coffee on the patio, listening to the birds sing", or "a drive in the fall colors."  Some days there doesn't seem there's much to write so I write the basics.  Our health, my hubby, the dog, food on the table.  Doesn't really matter what gets written.  It doesn't have to be anything poetic, either!  Just get into the habit of acknowledging the good.  Eventually, we'll begin to see good in everything we have.  And the more we see good in what we have, the less we will look elsewhere for what we think we need.  God is good.  And so is everything He gives to us.

Gratitude is the heart's memory.

                  -  French proverb

 

 

Reflection on a Funeral

I attended a funeral service last week.  I didn't know the family very well.  Only the sister of the deceased.  But I attended anyway.  And I'm glad I did.  I found the service so calming and centering.


In the service book we use, the service begins with the invocation and a remembrance of our baptism.  We are reminded that we have been baptized into Christ's death.  We are reminded that just as Christ was raised from the dead, "we too might walk in newness of life."  We are reminded that we will have a resurrection like His.

The Psalm and the readings are always so comforting, full of the reminders of God's love for us that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.  And more of God's love that when we stand before Him in Heaven we will see Him with our own eyes and will not be turned away.  They are full of the reminders that whatever may pursue us here on earth, whatever may haunt us or harm us, it has no hold over us.  We will be free!

We speak the Creed during the funeral service.  We are reminded that, during this sad time full of tears and fears, we can find strength and comfort in one another as the body of Christ.  We share the same faith and are not alone in our weeping.  We pray the Lord's Prayer and again act boldly, trusting in His promises.

The Nunc Dimittis is probably what I found most beautiful.  It begins with the words of Jesus from the book of John, chapter 11. 

"I am the resurrection and the life," says the Lord.  "He who believes in Me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in Me will never die."

Then the song of Simeon from Luke is spoken by the people.  God's word has been fulfilled.  We have seen it.  We can go home. 

I know that this funeral service is meant to focus on the life the deceased now has in Christ.  And I know it's odd that I find the service comforting and calming.  But I can see how beneficial this service could be as I read through it on my "bad" days.  When my day is at it's lowest; when I can see no reason for moving forward another step; when I'm not sure what my purpose is, I can read this service and very easily be re-centered.  I can be reminded of whose I am and who I am through my baptism.  I can be reminded of Job and all of his troubles, yet how he, through faith, was able to focus on the prize at the end of it all.  I can be reminded of my family in faith as I read the Creed and the Lord's Prayer.  I can be reminded of the promises of my Lord and the gift of Heaven I have been given because of His love for me.  And as the benediction reads at the end of the service, I can "go forth in peace, in the name of the Lord. Amen."



Reflecting...and refilling

I hate the sneak attacks.  The ones that hit out of nowhere.  I've written about this before, but I guess I'm still searching for an answer.  If I understood why this happened, I could handle it better.  But then it wouldn't be a sneak attack.  And if I could handle it better, it wouldn't be depression.  I've heard the clinical reasons so many times.  "It's not you, it's your body chemistry."  And then the loving reminders, "Are you taking your meds?"  But this doesn't help me UNDERSTAND!  And that's all I want.  To understand.  I feel like M'Lynn from "Steel Magnolias" when she is in turmoil at the graveside of her daughter.  Her face is twisted in pain and anger as she beats her fists in the air, screaming, "I want to know WHY?!  WHY?!"  I thank God I am not dealing with the death of a child, but my question remains the same.  WHY?!

When Satan gets a foothold, he has a heyday. My downward spiral looks something like this. 

My mothering techniques are lacking.  I need to do more with my children.  The public school no longer has them.  I now have them.  How come I cannot find anything to do with them?  Other mothers have them all year and always find things to do.  What is wrong with me as a mother?  I used to be so creative. 

My writing techniques are lacking.  In fact they stink.  Other bloggers do so much better than me.  Other women find their work(s) published and useful and admired.  Mine will never be.  Another dream never realized.  I have no discipline. 

My homemaker skills are lacking.  I can't stick to writing menus.  When I do have a menu I don't follow it because I don't "feel" like it.  My ironing pile grows and grows.  It mocks me every day.  My floors are sticky to the point of the boys complaining!  There are pile of crap and junk all over the place.  I can't find the joy in my home.

I don't think I'll ever understand.  Not in the way I wish to understand.  No answer can be given other than,  "It's your body chemistry.  Let yourself be and 'this too shall pass.'"   These kinds of days come and go, along with the days that are full of joy and success.  Maybe I really need to look in the mirror and sing to myself the song Hubs and I often sing to the boys.  "You can't always get what you want.  But if you try sometimes, you might find, you get what you need!"  Thank you, Rolling Stones.

here

What I need is patience...for myself.  What I need is to train my mind to reflect on the good days.  What I need is to listen to Hubs.  What I need is to know that I am forgiven.  What I need is to soak in the grace of God.  And then I find, I do get what I need.

Do you find that, too?  Do you get what you need?  Can I refill your cup?  You, too, are forgiven.  You, too, can soak up God's grace.  You, too, are God's child and you, too, belong to Him.

My cup runneth over.

A Gem

Had to share this little gem of advice I recently read.  Being more positive, more optimistic, is a good thing.  You feel better, you work better, you look better.  You just ARE better!  Do you agree?  Count your blessings.  Give thanks in all circumstances.  Right? 

So try this one:

When you find that lonely sock in your dryer today, just sing out, "Wow!  An extra sock!"  And I bet you need one, too, don't you?

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