Reflection on a Funeral

I attended a funeral service last week.  I didn't know the family very well.  Only the sister of the deceased.  But I attended anyway.  And I'm glad I did.  I found the service so calming and centering.


In the service book we use, the service begins with the invocation and a remembrance of our baptism.  We are reminded that we have been baptized into Christ's death.  We are reminded that just as Christ was raised from the dead, "we too might walk in newness of life."  We are reminded that we will have a resurrection like His.

The Psalm and the readings are always so comforting, full of the reminders of God's love for us that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.  And more of God's love that when we stand before Him in Heaven we will see Him with our own eyes and will not be turned away.  They are full of the reminders that whatever may pursue us here on earth, whatever may haunt us or harm us, it has no hold over us.  We will be free!

We speak the Creed during the funeral service.  We are reminded that, during this sad time full of tears and fears, we can find strength and comfort in one another as the body of Christ.  We share the same faith and are not alone in our weeping.  We pray the Lord's Prayer and again act boldly, trusting in His promises.

The Nunc Dimittis is probably what I found most beautiful.  It begins with the words of Jesus from the book of John, chapter 11. 

"I am the resurrection and the life," says the Lord.  "He who believes in Me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in Me will never die."

Then the song of Simeon from Luke is spoken by the people.  God's word has been fulfilled.  We have seen it.  We can go home. 

I know that this funeral service is meant to focus on the life the deceased now has in Christ.  And I know it's odd that I find the service comforting and calming.  But I can see how beneficial this service could be as I read through it on my "bad" days.  When my day is at it's lowest; when I can see no reason for moving forward another step; when I'm not sure what my purpose is, I can read this service and very easily be re-centered.  I can be reminded of whose I am and who I am through my baptism.  I can be reminded of Job and all of his troubles, yet how he, through faith, was able to focus on the prize at the end of it all.  I can be reminded of my family in faith as I read the Creed and the Lord's Prayer.  I can be reminded of the promises of my Lord and the gift of Heaven I have been given because of His love for me.  And as the benediction reads at the end of the service, I can "go forth in peace, in the name of the Lord. Amen."



Going through the motions

I go through the motions because I don't know what else to do.

Because I'd spend the day in bed, in tears, in depression....

I go through the motions so my kids have a meal; so their clothes are clean.

I go through the motions so my husband has a towel to use in the morning, so he can face his day.

Because I cannot face mine.

This too shall pass....going through the motions.

sadness

So much sadness around me today.  I sit in my sunny room, full of things that make me happy and all I feel is this cloud surrounding my head and shoulders.  It threatens to burst open and drench me in tears.

So many of my thoughts and feelings are sad today.

divorce of friends

lonlieness

disappointment in myself and others

restlessness

anger

I can't see how to get past it today.  The wind blows outside as it does so much in the spring.  I wish it would blow away this cloud of mine.

Heaviness

I'm feeling heavy today.  I went to the gym this morning, got weighed and measured, and the numbers are going down (yea!).  It's not a physical heaviness I feel.  It's an inner heaviness.  I hate days like this.

The heaviness wasn't with me earlier this morning. 
     Not even earlier this afternoon. 
          It sneaks up on me.  
               And it always, always catches me off guard.

I wonder for a long while what is wrong with me.  I go through the self scoldings of, "Get over it.  Get back on track. Your list for the day isn't done yet."  Then I sit, because I just can't get myself to do anything else. 

Slowly the reality of it comes into focus.  It's just the depression displaying its ugly head.  I really can't say it "rears" it's ugly head.  It used to do that.  Now it's more subtle.  Just reminding me that it is still there.

 And then I am content to just sit...and let myself be sad for a while.  I stop berating myself; stop finding fault with myself.  I just exist for a while.  Slowly, the depression colored glasses slip off and I begin to see more clearly what is real.  Because with the glasses on, the reality I see is not the reality that is before me.  The reality that is before me is this:


"Satan, hear this proclamation: I am baptized into Christ!
Drop your ugly accusation, I am not so soon enticed.
Now that to the font I've traveled, All your might has come unraveled,
And, against your tyranny, God, my Lord, unites with me!"
                    (vs. 3 of "God's Own Child I Gladly Say It"  Lutheran Service Book pg 594)


When I am reminded of these words, I am reminded of who I really am.  Of how God sees me.  And how very, very different it is from how I see myself.  Especially this afternoon.  How glad I am for the gift of His Spirit and the clearness with which He helps me to see.