Supporting the introvert

Here's the introvert in me.  I've been rereading yesterday's post and mulling it over in my head.  A little too much maybe, because I'm worried about possible offending some of you who are extroverts!  My intent is not to raise the introvert and lower the extrovert.  One is not better than the other.  My intent is just to raise the introvert.  That's it.  You extroverts are great!  I just felt the need to speak up for the little guys.  So are we OK?  Great!

On with the post!

This cracks me up, because it' so perfect!

How can you support your introverted friend or loved one?  Pretty easy, really.  Here are some things to think about.

1)  Give them time to observe for a while when in new situations.  We are not antisocial.  We need a chance to take things in.  Check out how many people are around, if we happen to know any of them, and where the bathroom is so we can "escape" for a while if we need to.  We are a little uncomfortable in new surroundings and we just like to get our bearings.  Please don't make us jump right into the middle of things.  Stay by our side for a while and we'll give you the A-OK after a minute.

2) Give them time to think; don't demand instant answers.  It's not that we are unintelligent.  It's not that we didn't hear you.  We just need time to process what was said, formulate our reply and then make it come out of our mouths.  Please be patient.  We aren't deliberately trying to frustrate the heck out of you!

3)  Don't interrupt.  Oh my, this is a biggie for me.  It follows right on the heels of number two.  Just because we finally get to talking doesn't mean it's all going to come out in a rush.  We pause and consider between thoughts just as we pause and consider before we even start.  Just because I took a breath doesn't mean I was done with what I had to say.  Sheesh!  But see, if you aren't an introvert you don't know this.  I'll address this issue later.

4)  Give a warning cry of some type before changing plans or activities.  I learned this one with Bud.  He shared with me once that he hates being interrupted while practicing his trumpet.  Even if it's for supper.  We just need time to adjust our thinking.  We need time to prepare the train to move from one track to the other.  Our train does not jump tracks, OK?  Sorry.  That's the way it is.

5)  Reprimand them privately.  A good one to remember if you have kids who are introverts.  Just think about how much we hate crowds.  Then think about how totally humiliating it would be to have a mistake pointed out IN FRONT OF THAT CROWD!  Even if the crowd is just your family.  The feeling of embarrassment is powerful.  It can overrule any feelings of regret for having done wrong and I don't think much will be learned.

6)  Don't expect them to have lots of friends.  This has been a tough one for me personally.  I've felt I was supposed to have lots of friends and an active social life.  Well, that's not who I am.  I have very few near and dear friends.  I think an introvert came up with the word "acquaintance".  I have lots of acquaintances and few friends.  Extroverts have tons of friends.  Just check their Facebook page!  Introverts, do you "friend" everyone, or are you choosy?  I bet you're choosy.  We don't want everyone peeking into our lives.  Social networking is almost an evil for us introverts.  Even the phrase gives me the shudders...

7)  Don't try to change them.  There really is nothing wrong with us.  Please respect who we are, what we need, and the ways we survive this crazy life. 

8)  Ask them to share their needs.  We probably won't tell you what we need.  We probably won't say as we walk in the door to a noisy party, "Hey, give me a minute or two to take in my new surroundings."  So you are going to have to ask us what will be helpful.  And you introverts who are reading this:  Take some time to talk to your loved ones.  As much as it would help, as much as we would wish it to be so once in a while, no one can read our minds.  You are going to have to find words to explain your needs.  It will NOT be helpful to hand this list to someone and expect them to make your life easier.  You will have to do some work, too.  You can do it!  And it helps so much.